im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think a kid would responsible me up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
