My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
