So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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