I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
