**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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