My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
