I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize