We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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