We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
