don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
