Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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