He uses pillows to masturbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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