I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
