Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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