Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
