We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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