Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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