My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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