dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
