We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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