I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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