I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
