Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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