You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
