Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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