I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
