I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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