It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
