took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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