its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
