the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
