So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize