Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
