She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
