made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
