Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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