You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
