They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
