i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
