Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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