I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
