You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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