just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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