I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
