Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize