i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
