if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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