Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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