HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
