you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
