Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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