im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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