I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize