One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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