And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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