sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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