My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
