every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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