My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
