i don't like sucking hair
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
