i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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