My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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