Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
