Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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