I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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