how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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