you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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