i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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