We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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