well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize