If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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