Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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