I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
