i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
