This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
