You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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