she woke up with a sticky ear
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
