Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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