my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
