Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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