You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
