It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
