fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
