I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
