That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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