she told me i tasted like america
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
