you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
