you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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