I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize