I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
