Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
