Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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