Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
