Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
