I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
