You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
