She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
