I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize