THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
