That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
