i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
