I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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