I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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