Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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