So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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