I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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